My energy comes from working on interesting, high impact work that I do alongside great people. The best way to increase the chances of doing this work is for people to tell me about the opportunities. When I started my current job 5 years ago, I reflected on where I went wrong in the past and what I should do differently. It was obvious that it is important that people know about my existence, but I hadn’t really thought about the specific reasons.
This became much more important as the company grew over the years. When companies grow the available opportunities increase, quickly outpacing anybody’s ability to know what’s going on. Sometimes these are small opportunities, like drafting up an important email and other times it is leading large, cross-company high impact projects. Striving for a fair, evenly distributed process for who gets to work on these projects is a challenging process. I worked with Will Larson when we rolled out this selection process, which is a good default to start from but has a few gaps.
Even with a selection process, matching up is difficult. There are a few common obstacles that I’ve observed:
Awareness: I may be the absolute best choice but I may not know about the project and never express interest.
Subjective skills: Sometimes the project has specific skills that are hard to articulate, so they aren’t written down and in the minds of the people sponsoring the project.
Limited pool: Sometimes, and this is rarely documented, people are chosen because it’s one last thing they need to demonstrate to show they’re ready for a promotion.
With the uncertainty and subjectivity, relying entirely on the system to get opportunities isn’t going to work out that great. While (good) organizations continuously iterate and do their best to ensure a fair and equitable process, the process relies on people. Fortunately, people are fun to get to know! I want people to know me, and not just for the opportunities, but because we can help each other do a lot more together than I could ever hope to do alone.
The social proof of existence
As a long-time remote engineer and engineering manager, a challenge I’ve faced is simply ensuring people know who I am and that I exist. I’m not just a name attached to an email or doc. The opportunities presented to me are based on people who know who I am, my skills, and my interests and passion. The total opportunities increase as a company gets larger, but it’s also easy to slip into the sidelines as more people join. I have a finite capacity for the things I can pay attention to, also. The way to navigate this is to partially rely on other people nominating me with confidence. This is all made possible by what I call the “social proof of existence”. Ensuring other people know I exist is an important part of both being remote and being part of a fast growing company, and it’s surprisingly difficult.
The practices that make people highly effective aren’t done a single time. It is a continuous and focused practice. There are a few key parts when continuing to prove you exist, and it doesn’t always come from the work completed and the shipped projects. The “social” part is really important. People need to know me, because just like how memories are reinforced by multiple pathways, the more of me people can hold in their heads the more likely I’ll be remembered in a meaningful moment when I’m not around.
Share your goals!
The most effective way I’ve found to build up this type of relationship is to talk openly, and with genuine excitement, about my own goals. If I cannot succinctly list out what my goals are in the moment of a conversation I miss an opportunity, which may turn into an opportunity in my work. I don’t mean to say that at every conversation you should begin reciting your personal goals and ambitions. When I have clarity on what I’m working towards, how I’m practicing and measuring progress, I’ll get good. When other people know what I’m working towards, I’ll get opportunities.
Humans like stories and since I’m human I like telling and hearing stories. My favorite stories are where there is a struggle. Connecting goals to the stories highlighting the challenges and success makes the relationship more memorable. This is a bidirectional process, too.
If someone knows your goals, you should learn and understand theirs as well. Asking people about their goals, and hearing the stories of victories and failures builds relationships. That’s what this is really about. The social proof of existence is building genuine relationships with people we work with, but not near, by talking about the work we do and the things we’re excited about. In the end, it’s just meaningful conversations that build strong relationships, which is what I’m really after.
Checking in
I can’t build the type of relationship where people remember me and my goals in one single conversation. Keeping in contact with work colleagues, especially when we’re not in the same office, is different. The events that bring people together are centered around the work that needs to be done. If our projects don’t overlap, usually we don’t either.
When I know what people are working on and working towards, it also helps me think of them at opportune times. Sometimes it’s about work and sometimes it isn’t. I love how delighted people can be when I’ve sent over a photo to them about something they’re interested in, or some link about a hobby.
Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist, proposed that 150 people is the upper-bound for "the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar". This is hard to test accurately, but there’s some value in approximating your own Dunbar’s Number.
I feel I’m a bit lower than 150, and use calendars and notes to close the gap. I’m always impressed to encounter people who can remember details of several hundred people, but they probably have some gaps. The point is to make sure to discover the ways that work well for you, compatible with your strengths and weaknesses, and keep in contact with people that may otherwise slip away.
Create a loop
When the stars align and some opportunity does present itself, and I’m invited to participate (or if I’m inviting and making room for others), I need to follow up! I’ve made this mistake countless times. Someone will suggest I’m the right person for the job, and I go and do a good job and learn a bunch of skills. I then never, ever go back and talk to the person who originally suggested my name. This mistake deprives me of getting some pretty invaluable feedback.
Why me?
I want to always know why someone thinks I’m set up to succeed. This is a form of positive feedback and reflection. If I know this it will help fine tune my goals. If other people see a strength where I see a development area, it may be an indication I can slow down my investment in that area and redirect my energy elsewhere. Maybe it’s something completely hidden to me, and I need to begin assessing and understanding that strength.
The “Why me?” question is usually focused primarily on strengths. That is only true if you were suggested for the opportunity because they were confident you could get it done, so the other question is, “Did you see this opportunity as a place to demonstrate some capability, if so, what is it?” Now I can get a full picture of what I’m good at, and what I haven’t demonstrated I’m good at or want a chance to demonstrate. These questions are valid even if you get nominated and don’t get picked to run some project. Without having this discussion, though, you won’t ever know!
How’d it go?
There is always a bit of credibility wagered when I nominate someone. I’m cheering for them to succeed, and want to see the way they grow. When the work is done, and cleaned up, and people have gone on their way I want to hear the details.
What was hard? What was easy? What was most surprising? If you had an email time machine, and could send one short email to yourself at the start of the project but couldn’t respond, what would that email say? (This is one of my favorite retrospective questions).
All of these moments are ways to generate more conversations about the future. The more I learn and understand what someone wants in their future, the more that I can keep an eye out to help make that happen, because I know they exist and they know I exist.